The Need for Emptiness

What a challenge it is to stay ongoingly empty, to be able to locate myself in the present. What a challenge it is to catch myself when I'm lost as though I existed in the near future for which I'm now making plans. Once I do, I feel the release of the energy that was getting stale, trapped in a box with no ventilation, rotting as I went on obliviously, lost in thought. Perhaps, this rancid energy, when noticed, can be the pointer to the need for freshness, the need to empty the planning mind. Choices need to be made, and although they will affect the future, they can only be effectively made in the emptiness of the present moment.

Happiness

My illusion about the achievement of happiness being a journey with a destination is slowly dying away. Concomitantly, temporal perception is shifting from linear movement toward a future, to the understanding of there being no future. Hence, happiness is slowly uncovered as a basic state, fresh in the present moment, by tuning the mind to the perception of here-now, and here-now alone.

Driving up north

My whole life I got it wrong: I thought that if only I helped others find answers, I would be helping them to be happier. I now understand that I can only truly help by having the courage to be who I am.

Now, plans and tomorrow

As I observe an enourmous amount of energy rise within as I continuoslly renew my direct connection with the present moment, I also think of tomorrow. I see my desire to use this energy for the well-being of others, my most intimate and profound aspiration in life, traceable to a very early age. Tomorrow, however, will bring what it will bring, including the end of this life, and today, that's OK, too.

What's new?

"What's new?" I'm asked. "Everything" I answer.

Silence, yet again

At Starbucks, a pair of guys ahead of me take their time to choose their drinks. There is no sense of hurry in them, nor in the attendant, fully committed to her young customers' thinking process. I look at the attendant who looks at the boys. The silent pause lingers onward. The next word isn't uttered. As I observe, I see a space to place my order while still being respectful with the boys. I refrain from rushing past them, and as I do, I land present to the bubble that had been quietly brewing. The now has now a strong, nourishing taste of peace and energy.

Only a few minutes later, driving back to the office, I look to my left and see, inside a car, a moving hand. A young man signs, the driver divides her attention between the wheel and the words uttered by the quiet hand.

Suffering and compassion

The daily practice of mindfulness and meditation is softening my heart. In practical terms, the shield that I incorporated so long ago believing that I needed to be tough in order to survive is giving way to openness, to kindness, to a freshness of presence. Actually, kindness is dissolving the armor of protection, the illusion that there's something that needs to be protected. On my morning drive to work today - the air wet with the morning fog - I felt truly grateful for the suffering, for the confusion that at times used to be prevalent. Having been through those trying moments now allows me to experience a deep connection with others, with the universality of the human experience.

Silence

Some words sound better in silence.

The rocking of the cradle

A 5.4 magnitude earthquake, with epicenter Southeast of Los Angeles, was felt strongly across Southern California, where I live, at 11:42am this morning. Gently but steadily, the ground swayed perhaps three times. Present, I observed and waited as the fabulous natural event unfolded, contemplating the right course of action. Once informed that no destruction had ensued, I was left to marvel, no fear in sight. I noticed that my body was giggling, unabashed by the pleasure of being rocked by the earth that gave it birth.

The soul grows

“The soul grows by subtraction, not addition” (Thoreau)

101. A pack of wolves

A pack of wolves
foaming with lust
stormed my cushion
today
hungry muzzles
tearing away the flesh
of my awareness
as I drifted
and drifted
in a daze of waves
floating in the ocean
lying on the bark
of old memories
of fantasies –
a stream
of unreality.

©Ciro Coelho. Pachamama Cabin, July 27, 2008, 2:02pm

Measure of success

I have chosen kindness - toward myself and all others - as the measure of my success in life.

The mind

"Who is your enemy? Mind is your enemy. No one can hurt or harm you more than your own mind. Who is your friend? Mind is your friend. No one can benefit you, or bless you, or bring you more goodness than your well trained mind." The Buddha

What would I choose?

One of the highlights of my day is the drive from and to work. I drive from Mission Canyon to the Industrial district in Santa Barbara, on Alameda Padre Sierra (APS). The drive, infused with nature and sky, feels like coming up for fresh air. The drive isn't necessarily the shortest, but crosses town without stop lights. Yesterday I had to change the itinerary because of a meeting with a friend. I thought: "What if today were my last day alive, would I bypass my formidable evening drive?" I would not. I got on APS, drove a bit, and got off. I drove less, but had my taste of nectar anyhow. I cherished its curves, the view of the ocean partly hidden by the marine layer.

I've been asking myself this question lately: "What would I choose here if my intention was to come from love? Would I do this, say this, eat this, take this route, buy this thing, interrupt that person at work?" I am referring to fairly neutral situations, with no emotional charge, no sense of "right or wrong". It is interesting to notice the answer compared to the habitual course of action, at times significantly different, at times a mere nudge away.

100. The heartburn of love

What is
this desperate need
to feast
on long gone cigarettes of long,
on wine glasses,
on gulps of carbonated life,
on hard, wet organs,
on every distraction,
that I've cultivated
through time,
languages,
landscapes,
methods,
journeys,
pleads,
and tears?

What is
this latency of life
suspended
in the experience
of yearning,
lodged in an
ever present time,
licking my heart hard,
blowing on it,
mounting my chest
like a wild,
violent stallion?

Is this
the heartburn of love,
disheartened
with the illusion of resolution,
clamoring for the bell to go off
for time to cease,
and with it,
the pain
of human existence?

© Ciro Coelho. Pachamama Cabin, Santa Barbara, July 20, 2008, 1:31pm

Simplicity

I tend to be particularly fond of earth-shattering breakthroughs, but lately I have seen repeated examples of deceptively simple deepest truths. I have found them in books such as: "Comfortable with Uncertainty", by Pema Chodron and "Ruling Your World", by Sakyong Mipham. I realize that meditation and mindfulness practices - which develop awareness and openness - also have a hand on one's ability to perceive simple truths as jewels.

Big Flower, Small Flower, by Gil Fronsdal

This Dharma talk by Gil Fronsdal is a true peal. Recorded from a training at the Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Northern California, it can be downloaded for free from http://dharmaseed.org/teacher/74/ (Copy this URL to your browser). Once on that site, click the "download" button next to the talk.

Today's practice

Today's practice wasn't clear until the very end of the day when I realized that the challenges of the day had been met with a different quality: There was emotion, but no story line. Very little commentary attached.

On "Awake"

I sometimes read poems that I wrote a while back and I wonder, "Who wrote this?". The poem posted earlier today, "Awake" , from 2006, inspired me as a rare moment of clarity.

77. Awake

Every day,
For the last ten years,
I have looked at you
And seen me.
Every once in a while
I have awaken from my trance,
From my dull masking of your nature,
And seen the beauty
Of your tall, slim body
The elegance of you lines
The girlish hesitance of your jokes
The deepness of you calm voice,
And the raw woman yearning to be loved.
Those rare moments of lucidity,
Often followed by tears of humility,
Have reshaped the face of my planet.
I now stop and contemplate
The lesson, so sparsely understood
As I give myself away
To a sitting session
Illuminated by the light of you.

©2006 Ciro Coelho, June 14, 2006, 7:21am